When the pregnancy test showed that she was pregnant, Clare was over-joyed: her miracle baby! After three rounds of IVF, it was a dream come true.
And then it all went wrong. Clare had a miscarriage, and she lost her longed-for baby. She was in a world of pain she couldn’t begin to describe.
To have been through so much, and to have come so close, and to have it all taken away from her again. It was like a nightmare she couldn’t wake up from.
She had so many strong emotions and she didn’t know which way to turn. Her heart felt broken, and she was reeling. She longed to have a baby, and she’d been trying so hard. But she was exhausted, and this was not the time to be making any decisions about what to do next.
If you find yourself in a situation like Clare’s, having lost a baby after IVF, it can be helpful to remember a couple of key things.
1. You’ve been through an enormous ordeal.
Losing a baby is a dreadful thing for anyone to experience, but as Clare had been through IVF before that (and more than one round, in fact) she was especially worn out.
Her body had been through a gigantic roller-coaster of experiences and hormones.
She’d been under so much pressure! Clare had been coping with stresses and uncertainties for many months (years, in fact) and she’d just experienced the most tremendous disappointment
2. It’s all about you, now.
It was important for Clare to give herself time, and to take care of herself properly.
It took time for her body to recover physically, after all the things she’d been through.
She needed to treat herself gently and kindly, and not to have high expectations of herself. It was appropriate for her to put her focus on recovering.
3. Give yourself time to recover emotionally too.
Clare was feeling devastated and vulnerable. Contemplating another round of IVF made her feel anxious and upset. And yet she didn’t want to give up on her dreams, and she didn’t know what to do.
I’m a therapist specialising in miscarriage support, and having myself had a miscarriage after IVF, I know the kind of feelings Clare was going through, and I was able to help her.
During our Skype sessions together, we were able to help her heal emotionally. The gentle and effective self-help tools which we used became something she was eventually able to use on herself, to make it all feel easier, when she decided that she did want to have another round of IVF.
Clare decided not to rush into it. She gave herself time and space, and she treated herself very gently, as her body and her emotions recovered properly first. This gave her some much-needed rest, and freedom to contemplate what it was she was wanted to do next: it was a big relief!
And it made the next round of IVF easier to cope with.
If you’ve suffered a miscarriage after IVF, you deserve to take very gentle care of yourself. I’d be very happy to support you, wherever you are in your journey, and however you’re feeling (physically or emotionally.) It really is possible for this all to feel easier for you. From the bottom of my heart, I wish you all the very best. And do please be in touch.
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